remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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