We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
