You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
