i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
