Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
