About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
