sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
