And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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