is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
