Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
