broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize