My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
