im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
