oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
