OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There r osticjed everywhere
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
