carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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