she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
