took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize