eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
