Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
