I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
