Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
