You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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