She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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