I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
