Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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