'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
