You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
