I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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