hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
