so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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