i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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