Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
