i'm signing you up for texting rehab
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
