The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
