Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
