Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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