Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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