That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
