I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
