Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
