Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
high people should be assigned attendants
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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