is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
