I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
