Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
