i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
