sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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