He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
