she woke up with a sticky ear
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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