Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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