I'm jealous of your bromance
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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