If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
