lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
