God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
