perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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