It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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