you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
