just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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