Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
