Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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