Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
