weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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