Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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