Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
