you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
