I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
