yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
