the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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