Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
