God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
