i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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