my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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