sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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