I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
