You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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