It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And then he peed in my hair
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