why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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